Okay, i give up

I seriously need some shuteye but i can't,still a fulltime nanny.The kids are playing that xbox game so i can have some time to myself for a lil while before that dumb game bores the shit out of them and then i'll be a gonner once again.These kids are a super powerful bunch they can sleep so late and then wake up super early just to play.gawd.i can't even wake up at ard noon now.(i know i'm a pig) I'm being forced to get up cause they keep disturbing by throwing things on me.tsk tsk.I need some shuteye!

Lets go random.

I was thinking about her last night.Its too sudden as i haven't been thinking about her since we were through.But our memories flash in my head like a mulfunction tape recorder.I was reminded about those happy and sweet moments and of course those unpleasant ones too.gawd, i feel guilty.It surprises me as i didn't have this kind of feelings when i told her i was through we it until now.

To you:
I'm sorry i hurt you so many times, i really ddnt mean to.You were a great lover(in my point of view)but i guess i was damn insecure at that time.I don't know what the fuck wrong with me that i decide to end it all just like that.Maybe its because you were leaving the school soon and i have no confident that our love would remain strong.At that time i thought since we will have to end it off sooner or later so why not now when we could still get to see each other? I know i'm being selfish as i didn't give you a chance to decide and just end it off.I'm sorry

At that moment when i let your heart slip away i know that i will regret it but i still let go.I know i couldnt bring you much happiness and i dont want to see you cry.I can't bear to see you in a fucked up suituation whenever i hurt you and not realise it( i do know now that i hurt you) You shouldn't be crying or feeling down because you are not meant to feel like this.You were once so happy till i came along and rob you off from that happiness.My bad.

I was wondering if you'd be happier if i didn't walk into your life and just walk out later.Seems like i owe you too much.All i can say now is that i treasure our memories that only contain you and i.I seriously love every single bit of your soul and i didn't fake it.I dont show it as much as i should but know that i really do.

If i've gotten another chance again i guess i would still want our path to cross so that i could give whatever i didn't give before to you.But now all this seems impossible as we had left on separate paths.I hope you will meet someone who love you more than i do(:

I know i failed in loving you

love,
me

/

Great, my aunt is back so that means i can have more free space to myself! thank god for that(:

/

Now i'm wondering if i've actually build all these upon lies and we're faking because it doesn't seem to be the truth anymore.I dont even know why i took the time and effort to climb to the peak and to jump off the next minute.You make me feel this way.

Does it even matter that i care?
Does it even matter if i miss you?
Does it matter if i need you?
Hell no, you don't even feel a thing
Fuck it, this are just empty words and empty emotions

I'm loving you(until then)like this(only you)already