Imagine, if.

I rip and tear so get the hell out of here.

Thursday, April 19, 2007 @ 8:41 PM

What if..

I wanted to blog ytd but the Internet connection was down.
So i type it in Microsoft word and shall post it now.

18 April.

Had a date with my darling Hilda.
Its just a simple study date.
I bet she is damn pek chek with me 'cause i ask many questions (which are related)
HAHA.
Sorry la, i don't understand all those you see.

Anyway, her teaching is uber good and she expects me to ace it la (which i don't think i can)
Just as long i don't screw it all up, I'd be glad.

Okay, study till about 8 plus before heading to thee mall.
We were freezing at McDonald's la.
So bloody cold and the yu ying peeps thinks that they are having a party or smth.
Laugh and talk so loudly when their surrounding are concentrating on their books.
Tsk tsk.

Darling, i book you for another date sometime later again.
I love our date today(:

--

On my way home i happened to hear this song, 'Soledad'
I was reminded of the past with a certain someone.
I still remember vividly her words when she sent it to me
' Hear this, it's what i want to tell you'
At first i didn't really listen to it and just brush it off.
But when i hear it just now, i felt a pang of guiltiness.
I should have used my heart to listen to it and instead of keeping quiet said smth on that day.

I finally knew her feelings back then and I'm damn apologetic that i wasn't there for her.
I was so blind to have over-look that she had always been there all along.
That is one bloody mistake i swear i wouldn't make again.

You were my soul and companion but i took it all for granted.
Is it too late to apologise now?
Forgive me or not, i just want to let you know that you have always been giving me that best, before anything else and I'm sorry that things change.

You didn't admit to it but i know you've fallen for someone else so i let you go
to find love once again.
Please understand or else letting you go is meaningless.
Sorry i left without explaining, i just didn't know what to say at that time.

On a lighter note,

I FAILED 2.4 la.
Me and a few others ran an extra round.
Gawd, we felt so stupid pls.

Anyway, we had to re-run it tmr.
I don't want la, once is enough to make my body ache like fuck.
Sigh, but i don't have a choice but to pray that i will pass it the next time round.

/

Alrighty, present day now.

No 2.4 today 'cause there was a slight rain(:
It was rather slack for PE, we went to the gym and just hang out there.
It's cool but small.
Oh well, the school is poor *shrug.

Practical shucks like hell.
We were all so nervous la 'cause it's been 3 ears since we had practical exam.
I keep telling ppl not to panic when i was panicking myself.
But, it was a good experience(:
Better to panic now then on the actual day la.

Lao shi is freaking irritating.
I super hate her lessons now.
She always side track and all la.
Not only that, she likes to give stupid papers which can be used to clean out butts.
Becks also couldn't take it anymore la so we talk and sleep.
HAHA.

I happen to flip beck's notebook and i came to this particular page where she marked her anniversary.
I don't have the slightest clue on why those images of you and these memories flash back and i could see it so clearly like i was watching a movie.
I couldn't control it and you can say that i didn't expect myself to reminisce about you.

And it strike me that actually i lied to myself.
I thought that I've already put it all behind me but fact is i had been walking in circles all along.
Come to think of it i felt really stupid.
You won't even give a damn about it and I'm here thinking and missing you.
I'm so screwed up and i didn't even realise it.
But i won't trade those memories for any other stuff although it's giving me a hard time.
It is one fragment of the past and I'm gonna keep it no matter what.

And after those flash backs, I'd came to a realisation that i didn't love fill-in-the-blank.
I'm sorry i gave the wrong signals.
I have no space to allow anyone else in.
Maybe in the future, but for now i can't and
i can't seem to bluff myself on this.
I'm sorry, anyway i guess you've long gotten over it.

I doubt that any feelings could grow in that short period of time that we shared. So i guess that there isn't any problem letting go yeah?
It Doesn't mean that it is easy 'cause i see you every now and then but its sure easier than a longer period of time spent together where I've grown to be quite attached to her as i spent more time with her than you.

Plus you also made it impossible.
I did try to spend more time or find the time to ask you out but did you ever agree?
Obviously not, You always come out with an excuse and I'm already tired of asking 'cause i always know the answer.
Like that day, i swear it was the last time I'm ever gonna ask you out.
Don't say i never try cause i did.

I tried to put those memories away and make space for you but you were never there.
I tried to ask you out but you are always rejecting it.
To conclude, we are like the sun and ice.
They can never be together, just like us.

Maybe one day it will be another story told by us.
That week was the best though(:

I feel like crawling back to my dream where i can find you.