Imagine, if.

I rip and tear so get the hell out of here.

Friday, August 10, 2007 @ 4:35 PM

All good things somehow or rather have to come to an end.

This isn’t gonna be a really good post.
So read at your own risk and don’t ask me how I’m feeling after that.
My answer is always the same as before.

I couldn’t get any shuteye cause thoughts were running through my head.
I got back home ard 12 and was in bed at 1.30am but I couldn’t sleep till maybe 4 cos I was drinking ice water ard 3.30am.

Starting from this damn point, it’s all gonna be damn random.

--

I was at Cathay ytd and I so happen to saw fill-in-the-blanks working there.
Why do I keep seeing her so often now?
This can’t be happening.
Fate must be playing a fucking trick on me, when I’ve decided to leave it as it is and there she is right in front of me triggering my emotions all over again.
Fuck, I hate it when this happens.

Destiny is damn cruel, allowed us to meet only.
Only allow us to have a short period of time.

There are a number of things I still don’t quite understand.

I don’t understand why I’m still stuck here while you’re already far gone.
I don’t understand why I’m the only one feeling so nostalgic while you’re already way over it.
I don’t understand why I gave in a 101% knowing that I’ll end up in a bad state someday and you gave in only a few percentages. (Maybe its for a simple reason, because I love you)
I don’t understand why I did so much when you won’t/ don’t appreciate them. (Maybe you did but never show)
And lastly, the worse of all, I don’t understand why in the whole damn world I ended up liking you when I fucking know that you’re attached. (Screw this, I should have walked away)

But one thing I truly comprehend is that I know I couldn’t live knowing that you’re sad but I can leave knowing that you’re safe and happy.

The only thing I’ve forgotten to do is to check our expiry date.
It doesn’t have the word forever, they say there’s no such thing as forever.
If I did check then I wouldn’t have to put myself through this mess.

Maybe after brawling everything out, I’ll forget about the whole thing.
Like you, its time for me to leave it or else I won’t be able to move on like you did.

We didn’t have ‘Happily ever after’ but at least we had our ‘Once upon a time’ and that’s good enough.

There’s one thing I couldn’t make any sense out of it.

It’s that night when I sent you that message. You knew what I was gonna ask didn’t you? And you damn right knew your answers to it all along right? So why did you still ask me to send it? Just because you wanna see how I was gonna ask you?

Actually I didn’t even send it in the first place. I just ask you if you had received any message from me, I was testing if it’s the right time or not.
And I guess you knew what that message was about so you ask me to send it again.
You know, I took damn long to phrase whatever I want to say (not good with words) and the amount of courage to hit the send button.

Why when you knew you had the answer all along, you still made me send it?! Don’t say you don’t know the answer all along cos you know damn well what reason you’ve given me. It isn’t a last minute thing, you knew you couldn’t love someone of the same gender anymore so why ask to read it?

I don’t understand this and at that point where I thought through it, I was damn mad cos I realized you knew the answer all along. But I guess I’m not that angry anymore.

Why is everything so complicated?

Can we just stop avoiding it?
It’s not like I asked to get married.
Life’s too short, so make the best out of it.
Go for it and never have something to regret about.
But since you’re not willing and afraid then there’s no point.

How did we end up like this?
It’s heartbreaking to know that whatever I shared and had once is never gonna be the same again.
Ah, fuck sanity.

Quit putting in the effort to care and whatever relationship won’t survive.
Leave love behind and then you’re able to walk away. (why can’t I just do that?)

--

She’s not gonna read this anyway, even if she did she’s gonna pretend that she didn’t.
One moment it was all in front of us and the next, its gone.
I don’t see the need to be there with you when I saw how happy you were.
Maybe I’ve done the right thing by letting go and I rather you tell me that you don’t have feelings for me.
At least I’ve given up long ago cos I didn’t but hang on waiting for a miracle or something.

I don’t believe in miracles anymore cos there isn’t any.
I only know eternity.

Memories that are long forgotten.