Imagine, if.

I rip and tear so get the hell out of here.

Saturday, August 04, 2007 @ 4:56 PM

You

I'm alone in the house and suddenly you came through my mind.
I've missed you.
I've been wanting to say some things to you and i've got the urge to say it today, right now.

Alligator.

I..uhm, I don’t know if you’re ever gonna read this and I know I should write it out and give it to you personally but I’ve lost my sense of courage. Okay, I.. Uhm, I’m sorry. For whatever that I said or done. Please believe me, this time, that I really didn’t mean for things to become like this. Even if we couldn’t be anything more than that, I really never thought that our final end will become what we have now. In that moment of folly, my words hurt you, maybe it did maybe it did not. At that time, I couldn’t and didn’t know how to bring across the heart wrenching pain within me that I felt for you and I let it all out right here. I should have thought about your feeling but sadly, I didn’t. This is one mistake I made and its worth dying for. I don’t usually regret over things I’ve said or done but this time, I regretted saying those things, which I thought it will help me through but it did not. I was being self fish, my bad. Alligator, even those short memories and time spent with you, actually I never once regret. I flip through those memories every now and then to think of you. How I wish we could just be normal, like before. I know I cannot be compared with J, she could give you what you wanted and no matter how much I try I cannot replace the position she had in your heart. I did whatever she couldn’t but still you prefer her. What could I do, a man has his limits and I obviously crossed mine so I was kinda tired.

Every time I walk through or past the places we’ve been together, I just couldn’t stop myself from thinking about you. You can say I’m foolish but, I know that somewhere in my heart I missed you all along. Heartland holds too much of you, I can see your images every corner. You image appear whenever I walk past your shop, your favourite snowice chocolate with peanut, MacDonald and the park. Where else in the world can I find your face except these places? The unearthly hour I had to get out of bed just to walk to school with you are things I will never do in my life but for you, I did. I still miss it though.

I don’t know if after reading this you’ll feel nothing(if you do, then i have nothing more to say or do) or maybe anger cos I said all these after what I wrote months back. Anyhow, I just want you to know that I couldn’t forget and probably let go cos you’ve been quite a part of my life. I’m surprised that I’ve fallen so deep, till I couldn’t save myself. But its true, never felt like this before. I’ve missed your face, laughter, voice, warmth, gentleness and maybe your demanding nature. I don’t know if I’m too late, but I want to see you again. Just one minute right in front of me to relieve the pain and to tell you that I’m sorry. I just want to walk beside you wherever you want go. I treasure those walks with you cos I don’t know when it would be the last.

If only we can start all over from scratch, I wouldn’t hide my feelings from you. I don’t even know whether I regret telling you my feelings that night. If I hadn’t then we wouldn’t become strangers but then again, I wouldn’t have those memories with you. One thing I know for sure is that I love you. This cannot and wouldn’t change no matter what. Maybe you’re already with someone or maybe with J still, Ah..maybe I still couldn’t open your heart and kept my distance but I’ve never let go. I don’t have any right to ask for your forgiveness but I still hope for it. I’m sorry

Alligator, I ..treasure you. Believe this

--

I wonder..

Haven't i done more than ever to show you my sincerity and care?

Do you remember..

One hot afternoon after school you suddenly call while i was about to finish my lunch near my house, you wanted to pick seeds. I rushed there just to pick the seeds with you.

You always want to walk home from hrtland through the park, i'll always walk with you even if i'm tired just so it will make you happy.

You had to buy lots of stuff for some event and your maid isn't there to accompany you, i gave my mom some crap excuse and accompany you and carry your stuff so that you won't be the one who is tired.

Whenever you want to go out, i'll drop everything just to accompany you.

That concert, did you ask her before me?
I bet you did and she couldn't make it so i came in handy.
Right?
Anw, i had fun with you the whole night even if i know i'm not the first that you ask(:

Did those things i did for you, meant anything to you?
Did you even felt anything or those were just empty actions?
I hope somewhere, with my actions, i did touch you.

The only place my love couldn't reach is, your heart.