Imagine, if.

I rip and tear so get the hell out of here.

Monday, December 17, 2007 @ 5:54 PM

Look At HowFar We’ve Come

It feels damn good to be here updating again(:
Had been unberdupermega sick since Wednessday. It started out as a slight cough and it developed into smth worse than that. I had a fever and couldn’t go to work. If you think that’s its damn shiok, you’re wrong man. I rather be at work than down with a cough, flu and a fever. I was on bed all day long sleeping la. I don’t have a choice cos all those med made me uber drowsy and I keep drifting off after taking it. Don’t even have the strength to eat much less use the com. The fever shot up further to 39 plus and my Mom got so panicky cos it’s affecting my heart so we cab down to see the doc a second time. She gave me some useless med which didn’t even help on the first visit.

But I’m all good now. In fact my fever subside ytd. No more awful porridge but real FOOD! Hahahas. I haven’t been eating much cos its porridge la. I’m so looking forward for tonight’s dinner. I damn hope my Mom will get me something better to fill my empty stomach. Hahahahs.

On a separate note, past few days of endless sleep, I kept going back to somewhere I don’t wanna go when I’m conscious. But since I’m always sleeping, I accidentally drifted off to the time where you were ard. I went through every single bit of memory and go through those emotions all over again. Sometimes I will wake up with a good feeling and sometimes, I will pine for you. But then again, that’s only for a short while cos I still have to face reality later on. Ahh, I guess I won’t go through it again unless I’m sick cos like I said I won’t go back and replay it all over again when I’m alive and kicking.

It’s shocking to know that it’s gonna be a year since [you know what]. I kinda struggle during the beginning and mid year. I’m surprised to see how far I’ve come when I look back now.

edit.

Xiaozhu, I’m so sorry that I couldn’t go for our since after class gathering date on wed. I was supposed to go to work but end up falling sick. I was looking forward to going out with you and all but unfortunately for don’t know what shit reason, my off day changed. It’s supposed to be fixed but I guess that damn bloody sickening manager changed it. Anyway since you don’t like my previous way of compensation, I have a better one(:
I promise promise from the bottom of my heart that I will surely be right in front of you on Christmas to give you both your X’mas and birthday presents no matter what. Is this compensation good enough for this little pig?

Sy, I’m so sorry I got you so worried cos I didn’t reply most of your smses. Too tired and sick you see. Let’s go catch that movie that you wanted to watch soon yeah. I was damn disappointed that I got a fever on that day where we were supposed to go out. So, till then hon. Will text you my off day again(:

B, thanks for all those smses that you sent but I didn’t reply cos you know la huh. I hope you got your shoes anyway(:

On a lighter note, I will be reporting back to work tmr! Whoohoo..no more slacking cos I want to get that 99bucks belt on my own. I know it’s a lil insane to get it but cos I’m working there, I wanted to get smth of that brand so the belts are the cheapest damn thing in the store. My dad offered to pay but I want to get smth with my own cash(: It feels good that way isn’t it?

I remember throwing all those memories into the depths of the sea
Where nobody can ever get hold of it
But somehow, I found it washed up onto my shore..

One night stand.

See if you can relate to this one.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most was being so close
Having so much to say
Watching you walk away
And never knowing what could have been
And not seeing that loving you is what I was trying to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doing it
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still harder
Getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing what could have been
And not seeing that loving you was what I was trying to do.