Imagine, if.

I rip and tear so get the hell out of here.

Friday, June 20, 2008 @ 11:15 PM

Not the best time.

I've created a huge mess for myself and i doubt i have the capability to clear it all up. It's not the way i've imagined and wanted things to go. It's just that for some reason, it went down. I don't know how and why things changed within such a short time. And its damn annoying to know that i've been questioning myself if the heart was in it all these while.

I said that we will last a lifetime and when i said that, i really meant it. I thought that things will never change and i guess it's not right to assume. I'm really sorry to have hurt someone in whichever way i have. I have no idea how to put it across to her and to me, that was the best way. We couldn't have done any better even if we tried. It's just not possible.

I don't wish for history to be repeating itself but know that its inevitable. I do hate myself but not for the things i've never done or said. What's the point in saying all this, its just entirely redundant now. Its just better to end it than to hold on to something which will never exist (this is easier said than done, hell)

I don't think i'm making much sense now. This sucks but i know i'm never turning back.

On a lighter note, i went back for my heart check up today. Those damn doctors never once stick to the appointment time. What's the fucking point in allocating time slots then?! Anyhow, i've got to go back in 3 months time for another run of tests. I fucking hate to go there but i can't escape it thanks to my mom. When the doctor said that he need to do a blood test, i almost pee onto my pants. And when i see that damn fucker needle, i almost wanna run of the room. This sounds so gay but i hate having blood drawn out of me. I have too little blood and she stick that needle in me for quite some time to get more out. Wtf i'd tell you. One friggin heart problem and i have to go through hell. Damn, if only i can survive without a heart. How great would that be?

I should just tell my mom that i'm so damn healthy and i feel no pain anymore. I could try that, maybe it'll work. Who knows? I have to give whatever crap i can think of so that she will buy it and i can escape it for good(= No more blood test and heart scan. This is heaven!

But no matter where I'm heading
And no matter what I do
Something keeps me coming back to you

That's about it.
Till then.