It will never go away

Another new week of school.
Why am I starting to count down to my next holidays?
Anyway, life is no heaven right now.

I keep trying to do lots of things at one go, keeping myself real busy till there’s no space for rest.
No space to sit down and think of you.
Every time I thought that I’m tired enough, exhausted to the point where I can just close my eyes and sleep, you appear in my head.

Have you tried holding your breath till the point where you can hold no more before taking another deep breath and do it all over again?
Well, I do that sometimes when thoughts of you come rushing to my mind.
It helps me to push you out for a lil while and I like that.

This is the fucking fourth time that i’m doing this.
I did that so many other times and i always fail.
I gave in too many times and its crippling me.
This time, I’m not gonna head back even if it means i’d die.
I don’t want to walk down this lane anymore, I have to get it over and be done with.

You don’t even need me anyway.
Your heart doesn’t even beat for me.
I’m not the one you turn to when darkness falls.
I’m nothing to you but you just had to mean something to me.
And this sucks.

When I fall apart, I stick myself back on my own